EDITOR'S NOTE: Today is my birthday aka Gemmie Day!!! Feel free to shower me with love, adoration, and celebratory exclamations. I also accept monetary donations. Please and thank you.
Pyrotechnics conquer all
The last time I was excited and dedicated to finding 4th of July fireworks was in 2003. I was in Durham, NC for a summer research program at Duke. My boyfriend (at the time) drove up from Knoxville, TN to surprise me for my birthday. Though we spent the entire 4th indoors eating hamburger helper and showering each other with affection (since it had been WEEKS since we'd seen each other), we were determined to find some fireworks to enjoy. Afterall, who doesn't like seeing the sky light with various shapes and colors and almost going deaf form the explosions? Unfortunately, I didn't know my way around Durham very well so I had no clue where to go. We hopped in his car and drove around until we saw fire in the sky. When we did, we just parked the car, got out, and sat on the sidewalk to watch the fireworks, arms around each other embracing, while oohing and awing at the sights of "bombs bursting in air." It was the most special and memorable moments of fireworks I've ever had.
As I watched fireworks literally all around the city of Pittsburgh from the top of a hill with a few friends, I couldn't help but wish I had a somebody special to watch the traditional 4th of July spectacle. Why? Perhaps like many other women (even girls), fireworks are not only fun to watch, but also symbolic of a hot romance. The last time I eagerly watched fireworks I was in love, so there was an emotional attachment. And for that reason I keep trying to get back to this state--seeing fireworks while feeling fireworks. I almost feel silly and school-girlish for admitting this but, in my core, I desire to be with a guy who makes me feel fireworks, gives off a"spark", lights a flame, causes belly-fluttering butterflies. Sure, I've dated lots of nice guys who peeked my interest, but none that awakened the romantic inferno that has been dormant (and potentially disabled) inside me. And not to get it twisted--I'm not talking about a sexual/carnal awakening, but an emotional one. For me, the sign of emotional fireworks seems necessary to complete a "love connection" with some one. The very few times I've ever felt these fireworks for another person I was in love, or damn near close. Nevermind the fact that I was left broken hearted afterwards. But there was something so special and heavenly about experiencing such passionate sentiments for another person. I felt bold, delighted, desired, lovestruck--unashamed and unapologetic! Because I dared to love by displaying my intense feelings for everyone to see.
As I grow another year old (and hopefully wiser), I'm trying to identify what it is I really want in life, especially when it comes to dating and finding a lifelong partner. I can honestly admit that I want, I must, be with a man who id well versed in the sophisticated art of love pyrotechnics. I want to experience the fireworks so the next time I see them on the 4th (or at a Pirates game, or on New Year's), I can be looking at an actual visualization of what lies within. Perhaps its the "silly little girl" within me that longs to have those feelings for some one again. But nonetheless, I am pleasantly, albeit anxiously, awaiting the next show of fireworks.
So what say you, readers? Is this idea of having a spark, fireworks, burning flame just for silly young girls who still believe in fairy tale endings? Or is it reasonable for a grown person to put significance in having explosive feelings for a romantic interest? Is it asking too much or should one just settle for luke-warm feelings?
Speak on it.
All Sparked Out,