Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Where Are The Fireworks?

EDITOR'S NOTE: Today is my birthday aka Gemmie Day!!! Feel free to shower me with love, adoration, and celebratory exclamations. I also accept monetary donations. Please and thank you.

Pyrotechnics conquer all

The last time I was excited and dedicated to finding 4th of July fireworks was in 2003. I was in Durham, NC for a summer research program at Duke. My boyfriend (at the time) drove up from Knoxville, TN to surprise me for my birthday. Though we spent the entire 4th indoors eating hamburger helper and showering each other with affection (since it had been WEEKS since we'd seen each other), we were determined to find some fireworks to enjoy. Afterall, who doesn't like seeing the sky light with various shapes and colors and almost going deaf form the explosions? Unfortunately, I didn't know my way around Durham very well so I had no clue where to go. We hopped in his car and drove around until we saw fire in the sky. When we did, we just parked the car, got out, and sat on the sidewalk to watch the fireworks, arms around each other embracing, while oohing and awing at the sights of "bombs bursting in air." It was the most special and memorable moments of fireworks I've ever had.

As I watched fireworks literally all around the city of Pittsburgh from the top of a hill with a few friends, I couldn't help but wish I had a somebody special to watch the traditional 4th of July spectacle. Why? Perhaps like many other women (even girls), fireworks are not only fun to watch, but also symbolic of a hot romance. The last time I eagerly watched fireworks I was in love, so there was an emotional attachment. And for that reason I keep trying to get back to this state--seeing fireworks while feeling fireworks. I almost feel silly and school-girlish for admitting this but, in my core, I desire to be with a guy who makes me feel fireworks, gives off a"spark", lights a flame, causes belly-fluttering butterflies. Sure, I've dated lots of nice guys who peeked my interest, but none that awakened the romantic inferno that has been dormant (and potentially disabled) inside me. And not to get it twisted--I'm not talking about a sexual/carnal awakening, but an emotional one. For me, the sign of emotional fireworks seems necessary to complete a "love connection" with some one. The very few times I've ever felt these fireworks for another person I was in love, or damn near close. Nevermind the fact that I was left broken hearted afterwards. But there was something so special and heavenly about experiencing such passionate sentiments for another person. I felt bold, delighted, desired, lovestruck--unashamed and unapologetic! Because I dared to love by displaying my intense feelings for everyone to see.

As I grow another year old (and hopefully wiser), I'm trying to identify what it is I really want in life, especially when it comes to dating and finding a lifelong partner. I can honestly admit that I want, I must, be with a man who id well versed in the sophisticated art of love pyrotechnics. I want to experience the fireworks so the next time I see them on the 4th (or at a Pirates game, or on New Year's), I can be looking at an actual visualization of what lies within. Perhaps its the "silly little girl" within me that longs to have those feelings for some one again. But nonetheless, I am pleasantly, albeit anxiously, awaiting the next show of fireworks.

So what say you, readers? Is this idea of having a spark, fireworks, burning flame just for silly young girls who still believe in fairy tale endings? Or is it reasonable for a grown person to put significance in having explosive feelings for a romantic interest? Is it asking too much or should one just settle for luke-warm feelings?

Speak on it.

All Sparked Out,


  1. The idea of feeling fireworks for another person isn't silly at all, but in my opinion, people get tripped up when they expect to feel that way all the time and can't handle the time after the "4th of July". Relationships are like everything else in life, they have good, bad, and boring moments. Some females (warning: slight generalization approaching) get this idea that if they're in love with someone, then their relationship will mirror some kind of movie-esque love story (Twilight anyone?) when in actuality it will probably resemble nothing of the sort. Not saying this is how you think Gem. I've just seen some people who look for fireworks for so long that they abandon hope once they don't feel that explosion of emotion for the first time.

    Regardless, I believe that love is love. It can't really be explained, but you know it when it's there.

  2. 1) Happy birthday, Gemmie!!

    2) I haven't been in love (that was reciprocated) in years so this post spoke to me. Fireworks are a must-have for me and unlike the ones on 4th of July I think they can happen daily when a couple is willing to put in the work.

    3) This touched my heart:

    "I felt bold, delighted, desired, lovestruck--unashamed and unapologetic!" I want you (and me) to find this again. I know it's on God's time but I hope it's soon :)

    4) I'm going to have to adopt the term "love pyrotechnics" into my personal lexicon :)

  3. @thatdamnafrican
    wanting fireworks doesn't mean i'm delusional to the fact that there will be problems or low points. it just means that you want something to hold onto, that when the chips are down and ish is bad, you can look back and say "but its worth fighting for, because the good i feel with you far surpasses the bad".

    thanks for the bday love. and yes, i too hope that we both find this again. we just have to keep the faith and know that God has some one special for each of us. just gotta exercise daggone patience. ugh!

  4. "The very few times I've ever felt these fireworks for another person I was in love, or damn near close. Nevermind the fact that I was left broken hearted afterwards"

    by definition, fireworks are explosive, short-lived, fleeting, dangerous, and volatile. not to suggest that you (or anybody else) should settle for less than what they want, but playing with certain types of fire will most likely leave you burnt. and, even though i know you're working on a tan, neither of us want to see that happen to you.

    anyway, happy birthday and sh*t, gemmie.

  5. @damon
    does wanting to have fireworks mean you will necessarily get burned? do you not have these types of strong, intense feelings for your significant other? i've seen you 2 together, and ive seen the sparks fly. would you rather not experience that kind of passion if it could potentially lead to heartbreak?

  6. Happy BDay! #TeamCancerTheZodiacSignNotTheDisease Stand up!

  7. Happy Birthday (for the third and most accurate time)! I have felt those fireworks before, and I would love to feel them again. Even though they were not a daily occurence, you still know that the person can ignite them in you. It's priceless #mastercard.

  8. *sigh* This post made my heart flutter. I always wanted to share the 4th with someone. Just because of the fireworks. It's not a real holiday for me but I always wanted to spend it with someone who made my insides jump and made me non-sexually giddy with excitement. Someone I can look at and smile for no reason. Even the thought of them made me smile. A smile that can be seen in my eyes.

    I really liked your post. And I agree 137%.

  9. @Sane85
    thanks for the bday love doll face! and co-sign on the pricelessness(o_O) lol of a person igniting those kinda feelings in you

    im glad you feel me on this!!!! "Someone I can look at and smile for no reason. Even the thought of them made me smile. A smile that can be seen in my eyes." THIS!!!!!! this is exactly what im talking about. all the nonverbal ways some one brings you to life. with the caveat of it being NONSEXUAL. i actually think having strictly physical/sexual chemistry (or fireworks) with a person is whats dangerous. because if the physical is all you have going on, then its bound to lead to doom because you've gotten addicted to the sex and ignore all the things that are wrong spiritually, mentally, emotionally... and not having any fireworks at all?? what would motivate you to want to stay with some one when things get rough? if you have no remember of how good things can feel when they are around, then whats the incentive to stay when its bad?